Something Interesting
by Eilwynn
Summary: Mitarashi Anko saves Uzumaki Naruto from being caught after a prank. Getting a glimpse into his world, she decides to give him a helping hand. As she does so, they both discover something rather unexpected. An unusual fem Naruto story. GaaNaru. Sand Sibs as Konoha ambassadors. On pause.
1. Chapter 1

1.

Mitarashi Anko knew she probably ate too much and was at least somewhat addicted to dango, but really, who gave a shit? A firm foodie and soul cooker with a taste for sticky dumplings, she worked out too much to really get overweight anyway. And even if she did gain a few pounds, who cared? Getting overweight was much more fun than getting underweight was, and they both caused heart problems and had both been considered beautiful at different points in history.

So whatever.

She was sitting at the polished wood bar of her favorite dango restaurant, snacking, looking out through the curtained doors at the Konoha village view: dirt roads lined with green trees and small white buildings decorated with multicolored round or swirling roofs. A creek trickled somewhere nearby. A fly that had made its way through the cloth door buzzed by her ear, and she swatted it away irritably.

Anko was bored. A Tokubetsu Jounin level ninja who worked for ANBU Black Ops, she hadn't had a good mission in a while and was getting restless. She wanted something interesting. Anko craved action, adventure, and maybe a little bit of spilled blood. (She didn't mean in the bedroom, though she was kinda into that too.)

So what was there to do…? She was a big fan of practicing the feminine arts, her favorite being tea ceremony, but she'd been tranquil for so long she was ready to bust. She'd brewed countless pots of tea, cooked at least ten huge meals, and tried to lose herself in the pages of her latest book.

Nothing was working. Her mind craved something new.

Just then, a little boy ran into the dango restaurant. He was covered in paint, and Anko could hear shouting coming from behind him; his eyes carried the harried gaze of one who was on the run. She recognized him. That was the jinchuuriki kid, Uzumaki Naruto, a skinny little boy with messy wild blond hair and electric blue eyes. The whisker shaped markings on his cheeks and the wild energy in his eyes gave him a permanent mischievous look.

Anko could hear shouting coming from behind him; she watched, surprised but neutral, as he dove and hid underneath the bar behind her.

Several civilians burst in. "Did the little monster come in here?!" one shouted. "He just splattered paint all over my shop!"

Anko wasn't sure, even years later, why she said it. "No." She shrugged. "He hasn't come in here." She could feel the disbelief and relief radiating from the boy behind her. The civilians stormed back out of the shop to go look somewhere else.

The boy crawled slowly out from his hiding place, and stood to stare at her. Up close, she was a formidable kunoichi: a short skirt and a long trench coat whose pockets bulged with weapons, leg armor that made her shinobi sandals look like combat boots, and purple hair tied up behind her head in a hair clip. Her calves were wide and muscular, every inch of her body was armored even if just by fishnet armor, there were obvious weapons all over her person, her curves were also obvious and intentionally seductive, and she carried the aura of one who did not need to worry about her safety. She munched on her food, staring calmly back at him.

Her gaze was interesting. There was no fear or coldness there, but there wasn't much of anything else either. She gazed at him with mild interest and a casual lack of care.

"You're not going to ask why I did what I did?" Naruto wondered suspiciously at last.

Anko shrugged and went back to her food. "It's none of my business," she said, sounding bored.

She hadn't asked. Maybe that was why she was the one he chose to confide in. "That guy," said Naruto, "... he shoved me in the street the other day. He calls me monster brat."

Anko turned to look at him. "So, revenge," she summarized at last. "Or maybe a desire to be noticed?" She raised an eyebrow as Naruto looked away, scowling.

"... Why did you help me?" he asked at last.

"I don't know," said Anko. "It seemed like an interesting thing to do."

"Don't treat it so casually!" Naruto's fists clenched in anger; Anko's eyebrows rose in surprise. Naruto swallowed. "No one's ever helped me escape before," he said, pained.

Anko looked around. People all over the restaurant were giving Naruto cold glares. Naruto looked around, and realized the same thing with helpless anger.

"You had lunch yet, kid?" Anko asked at last. Naruto shook his head. She slid him the rest of her plate of dumplings and his eyes lit up. "Come on," she said seriously, standing. "Walk with me."

* * *

"People don't like you," said Anko, walking by the fenced off ninja training fields with Naruto. "I don't give a shit about that. I don't give even a single flying fuck what other people think about me. People don't like me either. My Sensei went rogue and betrayed the village. People don't trust me." She scowled. "But you don't see me running around graffitiing people's businesses. All your pranks really tell people is that you're letting them get to you."

"But - but -!" Naruto paused, staring up at her with big, emotional eyes. "I don't have anything else!"

"What do you mean? You're an Academy student, right?" said Anko, puzzled.

"Yeah…" Naruto looked down. "But none of my teachers wanna help me train," he muttered. "And I'm stupid, so I don't do very well. I don't have any friends. I have a rival I hate, Uchiha Sasuke, this cold-hearted, arrogant bastard who always does everything perfectly. But that's about it. I guess maybe I have a couple of distant friends at Ichiraku's, the civilian family that runs this ramen place I really like. But I pay them, don't I?"

"Doesn't the Hokage interact with you?" Anko wondered. "He's supposed to be your official guardian."

Naruto glared up at her flatly. "He comes once a month to drop off a check at this big empty apartment he pays for. But I have a dream!" he added, his eyes gleaming. "I want to become Hokage, the greatest ninja in the village, and make everyone recognize my existence!"

"But because no one will help you or interact with you, you're having trouble getting there," Anko realized. "That's why you play all your infamous troublemaking pranks: to get noticed. The problem is, that only hurts other people's potential to admire you."

Naruto looked down. "I'm an orphan. I'm totally alone. Everybody hates me and I don't even know why," he muttered. Anko was torn - there was a law forbidding people to speak of Naruto as a jinchuuriki. That was why he and the people his age didn't know about the demon sealed inside of him. So she couldn't explain, even if she might want to. "Sorry, it must sound like I'm bitching," Naruto continued sullenly, still looking downward and scuffing at the dirt with his shoe.

Perhaps that was what got her. She'd seen Uzumaki Naruto around before - everyone had - and he was a laughing, troublemaking hooligan. But she realized now that was a mask. The laughter and the smiles were a mask to disguise pain. She had a mask herself, the vicious, excitable one. So she understood that right now he was lowering his mask for her, and that meant something. She couldn't screw this up.

Why he'd chosen to confide in her, Anko had no idea. She wasn't exactly the best with tender emotions. But she'd have to give it a try.

"I guess everyone assumed one of two things," she said at last. "That either you're a hopeless moron, or the Hokage is giving you some secret special training. But that can't be true, can it?" she mused.

Naruto blinked in surprise. "Well, Grandpa Hokage sure as hell isn't giving me any special training. But why would you assume I'm not a hopeless moron?"

Anko snorted and smiled. "I admire your crippling honesty," she said dryly. "First, I know because we're having this conversation. But second… thinking about it… because of your pranks. You've pranked people from within ANBU headquarters, desecrated highly guarded sacred monuments. You've done all kinds of things no Academy student should be able to do. That means." Her eyes lit up. "It means you're a strategist," she breathed in realization, suddenly excited.

She knelt down beside him.

"Naruto," she said immediately, "you know how you can think your way into and out of a prank?"

"Uh, yeah," said Naruto, puzzled. "Some of it I just come up with on the fly."

"Well that's exactly what you have to do on the battlefield. Trick people, think your way through it. Think of every mission like a prank! Those brilliant strategists? That's all they do! They see their end objective like a pranking goal, and treat it like one!"

Naruto's face screwed up in thought. "Really?" he said, puzzled. "But that's so easy!"

"Not for some people," said Anko. "And do you know what this means? It means you're not an idiot," she said fervently. "And that means -" she stood. "That something's going wrong with your training. And I'm going to find out what it is."

"Why would you do that for me?" Anko looked down to find Naruto watching her suspiciously. She supposed he had learned over his short life not to really trust anyone who was nice to him.

"Because I'm bored," she said honestly. "Because people don't like me either. And like I said, I don't give a fuck what other people think about me. Look, kid, I'm a Tokubetsu Jounin and I'm offering to help you train as a future Hokage. Are you in or are you out?" She held out a hand. "I like a mystery and I want to get to the bottom of this one."

Naruto looked at her with big eyes for a moment - and then he ran straight at her and hugged her very hard around the middle. Her skirt became moist. She realized he had teared up.

"Oh, great," she sighed. "He's affectionate." Reluctantly, she patted him on the head. "It's going to be okay, kid," she said, feeling a new resolve to make sure it was. "I'm going to get to the bottom of this, okay? You're going to be a good ninja.

"My name's Mitarashi Anko. And for now, Naruto, you can call me Sensei."

* * *

First, Anko had Naruto show her some of his physical Academy level moves. They were incredibly sloppy.

"Who told you to throw your kunai that way?" she asked, frowning.

"Mizuki-sensei," said Naruto, looking up at her.

"Yeah, well, he taught you to do it wrong," she said, staring between Naruto and the target. "That could be part of your problem right there - people might have been teaching you things wrong. Let's try some taijutsu."

They sparred together, and Naruto was almost pathetic. "Have you ever sparred with anyone outside the Academy?" she asked disbelievingly during a lunch break.

Naruto looked at her like she was dumb. "Who exactly am I supposed to have sparred with?" Anko realized it was kind of a dumb question. Who was a jinchuuriki with no special training supposed to have sparred with?

"I'm starting to see your problem with physical skills, Naruto," she said, frowning. "They're twofold. You don't have anyone to practice with and sometimes your instructors have been teaching you things wrong. That would make anyone seem pathetic and weak, even if they really aren't.

"Let's try you with some academics."

Naruto winced. "I'll warn you," he said dreadingly. "I'm not very good."

But Anko read plenty of psychology, being in ANBU, and she had a theory.

First, she had Naruto take a basic test of his already-existing Academy knowledge. As expected, he didn't pass it. Then she gave him a short lecture on a special type of poison, and had him answer some questions about it afterward. Still - no pass.

Then she had him draw pictures and do physical things like tap his feet while listening to a lecture on a different type of poison, making sure to show him pictures herself. She gave him another short set of questions.

He passed with flying colors.

"You passed, Naruto. That's an A," she said, smirking as she finished grading.

Naruto stared at her, his jaw slowly dropping. "... _What_?" He wasn't even bragging. He was absolutely flabbergasted.

"You are a visual and kinesthetic learner," said Anko. "This means you learn best through physical action, and through visuals like pictures. That's why you haven't been passing your Academy academics. Academy lectures are all auditory - or sound based. That doesn't work as well for someone who learns through actions and pictures.

"It's not that you're stupid. It's that the Academy has been teaching you everything the wrong way.

"There are a few ways around this. Look up pictures on the Internet, study your notes using pictures and visuals. Try doing actions like tapping as you memorize different things. You could even carry a notebook with you and draw pictures to help your academic learning.

"That's the way to pass academics - by playing to your strengths. With math, for example, you could buy an abacus, or visualize different real life examples concerning each math problem. Do you see? There are ways around this. It doesn't mean you're dumb.

"Now let's try you with some strategy. Remember to think of it like a prank."

She gave him a series of Chuunin level strategy questions, and it was incredible. He scribbled down answers, drew diagrams, and he gave answers she'd never seen on the test before - answers that _worked._

"It's safe to say you're a brilliant strategist, Naruto," said Anko, and Naruto beamed. "So let's work on revamping your Academy level skills. I will help you with your physical skills, help you learn the right academic techniques to pass tests, and I will give you further training in strategy.

"Sound good?"

Naruto's eyes gleamed. "Yeah," he said. "It sounds _great."_

And so not only was Naruto's conventional intelligence and confidence in his mind grown, but he got to spar in all his Academy level skills against a Tokubetsu Jounin. Anko found, though, that Naruto had both an incredible work ethic and an unreal natural physical talent, something she made sure to share with him. His Academy instructors were surprised - and not always in a pleasant way - as his grades began shooting up through the roof.

Having someone acknowledge him and something to do each day, his pranking also went down significantly, puzzling though relieving most of Konoha village.

* * *

It happened when Anko went to the ANBU archives for another book of strategy to work with Naruto on. She paused in surprise as she saw a section under the clan scrolls labeled, of all things, "Uzumaki."

Her first thought was, no, it couldn't be. The village jinchuuriki couldn't be from a well established, powerful clan and never have been personally taught anything about being a ninja. Right? But she was curious and she had clearance, so she walked over - and saw a large number of scrolls for a clan called Uzumaki.

She thought, _Fuck this noise,_ and sealed all the Uzumaki clan scrolls away inside one of her sealing scrolls. Then she just walked right the fuck back out of the archives with them.

These scrolls belonged to that dorky little kid, and Anko didn't give a shit who got angry with her.

* * *

"I'm not sure, Naruto, I didn't know about this either," said Anko honestly at what had become their usual training field, a wide, flat space of grass covered in training posts, with a little brook trickling nearby in the wooded area far to the left. "But it says the Uzumaki are a clan, from a now destroyed water island country called Whirlpool. The Uzumaki, most of them, were killed in the Third Ninja War - they were considered too powerful to remain alive by their enemies. Your mother or father must have come here from Whirlpool as a refugee."

Naruto had been staring in awed disbelief at the scrolls, the Uzumaki swirl emblem upon all of them. His head shot up. "Why didn't anybody tell me?!"

"I don't know, Naruto," said Anko in irritation, and then she began to rant. "I don't know why people are allowed to abuse you in the streets. I don't know why you've always remained isolated. I don't know why you were never given any personal training, or why your Academy teachers were allowed to teach you things wrong, or why nobody ever bothered to figure out why you were failing all your academic tests, or why nobody ever thought to take into consideration your obvious strategic prowess through pranking.

"So I sure as fucking hell don't know why nobody ever bothered to give you the ability scrolls for your own goddamn clan! Or teach you anything about how to use those abilities! At all!"

She finished ranting, breathing hard.

Naruto blinked at her. "Anko-sensei," he said hesitantly, "are you okay?"

"I need a minute," Anko spat, trying to keep a hold on her legendarily short temper. She just stood there for a minute, taking deep breaths. Then she whirled around to face him. "You," she said, as he stared at her in surprise, "are going to be Hokage. You are going to be the best goddamn ninja on the face of fucking planet Earth. Do you hear me?!"

Naruto paused - and then grinned. "Yeah! I hear you, I hear you!" he shouted, jumping around, cheering. Considering what he'd been through, he was a positive ball of sunshine.

"Okay," said Anko, calming, "let's read your clan's introductory scroll, summarizing the Uzumaki abilities." She unfurled it and read aloud in an official sort of voice:

 _The Uzumaki clan's chief bloodline is that of enormous chakra reserves. The Uzumaki are born with massively large chakra reserves, abnormally sized, giving us incredible chakra strength, stamina, and longevity, and also in olden times making us popular in arranged marriages. Our bloodline meshes well with other bloodlines._

 _This also, however, means it is important for an Uzumaki early on to practice control over their chakra reserves - otherwise small techniques, along with any technique requiring much chakra control, may be difficult for us. A number of important chakra control exercises have thus been included within these scrolls._

 _The Uzumaki bloodline gives the Uzumaki two special abilities. First, if we bite ourselves, we can flood our bodies with our own chakra and heal ourselves to an enormous extent. If someone else bites us, we can heal them in the same way. However, even without this technique, our huge chakra reserves allow us to survive and heal from things other ninja cannot._

 _Second, we can expand the cloud of chakra around us to enormous sizes. This is called the Mind's Eye of Kagura. We can then sense anything within our chakra radius, making us excellent sensory types. The reason why this technique is called "The Mind's Eye of Kagura" is because this ability is rather like that of a doujutsu, or All-Seeing Eye bloodline ability technique. However, it happens from within, so we call it the Mind's Eye, Kagura being an ancient religious dance._

 _We have one other bloodline ability, and this is that we can combine Wind ninjutsu and Water ninjutsu together into combined wind-water techniques, such as the Grand Whirlpool Technique. Many Wind ninjutsu and Water ninjutsu, as well as combined Wind-Water ninjutsu, have been included among these scrolls._

 _Our taijutsu style is Mizuken, or Water Fist. Water moves gracefully and agilely, even acrobatically, around whatever impedes it, and that is what Mizuken does. We weave around hits without ever getting touched once, attacking quick in and out at sensitive areas in the body. We are fast and weaving: hence, water._

 _And finally, we are most famous for our abilities of sealing. There are six main points of sealing: seal chains to entrap beings and people, seal barrier shields and domes, containment-release seals, chakra changing seals, and seal trap tags are the first five. The sixth is more academic: any true Uzumaki must master seal theory, seal tattoos, and touch-placement seals (meaning you can place a seal in a fight just by touching someone)._

 _This is a summary of the Uzumaki clan abilities._

Anko looked up, whistling. "That's one hell of a rap sheet, kid," she said, and indeed Naruto looked excited bordering on rapturous. It was easy to see why. Not only was he going to learn powerful natural inborn abilities, but he now had a family connection, something he had never had before. He was part of a clan, he belonged somewhere, to a people and a place.

Anko smiled.

"There's not much I can teach you with all that going for you," she said. "But I will continue helping you with your Academy-level basics and strategy exercises. And how about this?" She smirked. "I will teach you about poisons."

* * *

Anko took Naruto through a whole several-week session on recognizing poisons and the plants that comprised them, and then mixing poisons himself. Since it was all visual and physical, he learned quickly. She also taught him how to lace his weapons with poisons, which he immediately started doing with all the weapons he owned - eager for more strength - and then she gave him poison immunity.

This consisted of slowly poisoning him with very weak mixtures for about a week, in increasingly heavier doses, until he was immune to poisons ingested within the body.

Naruto was sick and bedridden, and Anko sat beside him, feeding him and administering the poisons, making sure he didn't die. She had conflicted feelings - this was what her own Sensei had done for her, and her memories of him weren't exactly fond ones.

"Now I know I can trust you," Naruto said weakly from bed at one point, smiling, and Anko raised a curious eyebrow. "What?" he said. "Do you think I would have let just any Konoha citizen poison me?" His face was positively joking, but the words were serious.

And Anko realized just how big a show of trust that was for a jinchuuriki, letting anyone else feed them poisons.

* * *

Naruto started his training in the Uzumaki clan abilities.

He mastered tree climbing, water walking, and leaf bending first, passing out countless times over a period of several months just to master chakra control. On that note, his other skills were much easier: biting-healing and Mind's Eye of Kagura chakra sensory expansion were infinitely easier than trying to fit all his chakra into a tiny space, and he began doing Mind's Eye of Kagura regularly.

"It's a good thing you started young," Anko commented, as she helped him train, "the way an Uzumaki was meant to. Otherwise this might be infinitely harder."

He practiced Mizuken taijutsu sparring with Anko, and Wind and Water ninjutsu first separately and then together out in empty training fields. Once he learned to just chakra spam most big ninjutsu, putting as much as he could behind them, he progressed extremely quickly with natural prowess and Uzumaki chakra power and made such alarmingly huge whirlwinds of water that he accidentally destroyed a training field or two.

He also began learning about sealing, progressing slowly from seal theory to seal tattoos and touch-placement sealing. He found a natural affinity for seal theory; it was even pleasant, relaxing. He moved from there into bigger territory, such as seal chains, seal barrier shield domes, containment-release seals, chakra changing seals placed on an opponent's body, and seal trap tags hidden in underbrush. Slowly, his knowledge of sealing got more and more advanced.

In this way, he worked over the years on mastering the six points.

He also studied clan knowledge and ancient rulings. Among other things, he learned that all established clans were allowed a compound and an allotment of money as an adult, and that ancient laws allowing arranged and multiple person marriages were in place. It was all quite complicated.

Interestingly, now that he had big techniques, he did not feel a strong need to show off anymore. His pranks died down, he got better grades in class, he hid carefully knowledge of his budding training and even his seal tattoos from everyone, wearing long sleeved shirts and pants.

He didn't fade into the woodwork, that wasn't his way, but he didn't make as much of an ass of himself anymore as he used to.

This was partly because, as he got bored and had more free time mastering ninja techniques, Anko recommended he find some hobbies and get to know himself a little better. "Self improvement looks a lot snazzier on a future Hokage than pranks do," were her exact words, and she even set herself to helping him.

Some of it, she recommended to him as good hobbies for a Hokage, much of it based on his renewed confidence in himself as an intelligent person. He found to his surprise that he actually liked books, the ability to immerse himself in other ideas and worlds, and he liked music and film for the same reason. Anko gave him dense books, on things like politics and philosophy, and to his surprise he enjoyed them.

"You're not an SP," were her words. "In personality psychology, you're an NF. An ENFP instead of an ESFP. It's easy to make that mistake, because on the surface the two look a lot alike. But you're way too idealistic to be an SP. And ENFPs don't like authority either. ENFPs love all that daydreamy artistic abstract idealistic shit."

Anko-sensei did have a certain eloquence to her.

She lent him some psychology books, in part to show him what she meant and in part to give him more reading material. His mind starved his entire life, he was eating it all up by the wagonloads. The personality psychology, among other things, gave him more empowerment and freedom to be his true ENFP self. He became rather proud of his own personality and intelligence, in a way he hadn't been before.

He found he loved puzzles because they were a lot like sealing and seal theory. They had the same basic visual solving of a puzzle in common. And Anko-sensei introduced him to all her favorite traditional Japanese arts, specifically tea ceremony, flower arrangement, and calligraphy, which she said were more male friendly. On the note of calligraphy, she also introduced him to art and painting, which he came to enjoy, decorating the walls of his apartment with intricate paintings. And on the note of tea, he found he enjoyed waking to watch the sunrise with a nice cup of tea.

Inspired by his interest in tea, she also introduced him to soul cooking, which she loved. Soul cooking included ramen, so it was all good with him. She snuck lots of fruits and vegetables into her lessons, and as he cooked for himself more, he formed a more balanced diet.

She introduced him to box gardening, which he began doing, gardening flowers and vegetables in boxes out on his apartment front porch where he took his morning tea. He liked the idea of other living things needing him, and this was that on a grand scale. And she introduced him to the merits of spa treatments and long baths.

"This is too girly!" he protested at first, and then she took him for a spa treatment and massage and he ended up totally relaxed, half drooling in a lounge chair.

"See?" Anko said, grinning, from beside him. "It feels good, right?"

However, some of it was purely him. As he got more into seal tattoos, he also got more into the beauties of body ink. The seal tattoos on his body and the containment-release palms of his hands (to suck up and redirect information and attacks) began to form intricate artistic designs. And to take the place of pranking, he became a nighttime graffiti artist, leaving the Uzumaki swirl symbol next to his art as a calling card. Much of his graffiti was social commentary of sorts, an artistic reaction to the things he read and saw around him. These became more complex as he got older and became a preteen.

He also became obsessed with online ASMR, horror, and urban exploration videos. They reflected the two sides of him: healing and credulous on the one hand, adventure seeking on the other hand.

* * *

It happened one night about a year before his Genin Exam graduation. He was putting on a new seal tattoo painstakingly, but something was going wrong. The ink wouldn't go onto his stomach around his navel. He paused and frowned, channeling chakra, checking. Had he already put an invisible seal there?

His eyes widened. That was a seal - but not one he could ever remember placing on his stomach. Frowning, he examined it. It was a containment-release seal, and whatever it contained was huge in chakra power. He had the instinctive feeling he might not want to release it here in his quiet apartment.

But what was that? There was a little mark, a tie on the seal sucking away some of his power every day. He examined it closely, poking it, frowning. Releasing it wouldn't affect whatever was inside this seal; he was certain of it.

Curious, he undid it…

And in an explosion of blue chakra, he looked down and screamed.

* * *

Anko got a call late one night from Naruto. His voice sounded shaken, and strange, almost high and unfamiliar. If she hadn't seen the caller, she might not have known it was him. "Anko-sensei?" he said over the phone. "I need you to get over here. Right now."

Anko flashed across rooftops over to Naruto's apartment, threw open the door… and stared. "Naruto, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're under the Transformation of a preteen girl," she said.

This female Naruto - exactly like the regular Naruto except for a curving heart shaped face and budding female body type - swallowed, standing in front of her, mostly naked and covered in bodily seal tattoos. "Anko-sensei," she said in a girl's voice, "I found the seal on my stomach. I might have maybe undid a tiny part of it connected to the main part… And this is what happened. This… isn't a Transformation technique.

"Anko-sensei, I think I might have been a girl all along. Whatever that seal was, it was sucking away some of my chakra to keep up a constant Transformation turning me into a guy.

"Anko-sensei…" Naruto glared. "What the fuck is going on?"

* * *

When the Hokage got a message from a Tokubetsu Jounin saying that "it was about the jinchuuriki's seal," it was positively incredible how quickly he flew over to his office. He opened the door - and paused in surprise, seeing Anko and the female Naruto standing there seriously, side by side.

They told him what had happened, everything from Anko finding Naruto right down to this evening, and he sighed, sitting down slowly in his seat.

"Grandpa, what the hell was that seal?" said Naruto, angry and aggressive and afraid. "Anko-sensei won't tell me anything. She says I have to get it from you!"

And so the Hokage sat Naruto down, and she got the whole story. Her mother was a refugee from Whirlpool Country, an Uzumaki, who had married the Fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato. She was their only child. When the Kyuubi fox demon escaped from her mother during her birth, her parents died sealing it away inside her.

That was why she born on the night of the demon attack. October tenth.

The Hokage hid everything from everyone. As far as the children knew, she was just some random orphan. As far as the adults knew, she was just some random jinchuuriki, or demon container, and that was why they all hated her so much. Anko had physically sat down in shock at the truth.

"The laws don't apply to you," said the Hokage, looking away in shame. "Tell anyone you want."

"Yeah, I think I'll be keeping it to myself, thanks," said Naruto, staring at him. "So… why would my Dad want to pretend I was a boy? Why would either of my parents write that part into the seal, for that matter?"

"I had not realized he had done so, but I can guess," said the Hokage seriously. "Naruto… young female jinchuuriki often experience sexual harassment. Your life has been difficult enough as it was. Can you imagine how much more difficult it would have been, for a girl who could not defend herself? Think of the sheer condescension you would have faced."

Naruto nodded solemnly. "I… I think I'm going to pretend to stay a guy," she decided. "For that reason, for… for now." This was visibly difficult for her to say. "When I'm established as a powerful ninja… maybe then things will be different."

"I can help with that," said Anko suddenly, fiercely, sitting forward. This wasn't just about Naruto or being Hokage anymore. This was about her duty to her village.

"Alright." The Hokage nodded. "I won't even tell your superiors. All documents will be highly classified." He sighed and sat back. "This is going to take a lot of paperwork."

* * *

And Anko was as good as her word. She did indeed help Naruto hide her gender from the world.

They chose baggy fashion for her male ninja outfit: brightly orange colored loose sweaters and loose modern pants, fishnet armor underneath it all, and underneath that? Breast bindings. That part took some getting used to.

They kept her hair short, framing her face in a longish, messy pixie cut. Of course, no makeup or perfume.

At the end, she just looked like a particularly pretty small, slim, blond, blue-eyed, Spring complexioned guy. The whisker cheek markings were still there, as was the curving face; it was obviously still Naruto.

Her voice was different, so Anko took her through different voice acting exercises to sound like a man. "The nice thing is, your voice hadn't dropped yet, so we don't have to do too much work to get you to sound the way you did before," Anko commented.

"Gee, yeah, that's great. I'm so glad my voice didn't drop," said Naruto dryly, and then they both snickered. In all honesty, though, it was a blessing - people were expected to change a lot physically at Naruto's current age, so nobody seemed to think much of the changes. Unbeknownst to Naruto, Hinata just thought they made him hotter.

But on the note of puberty, Naruto went through it. Yeah, girl puberty. With zero preparation beforehand.

Naruto went through a small self-identity crisis. She'd never exactly been a feminine guy, and now she learned she'd never been a guy at all. Anko talked her through a lot of fear and disgust at being a woman, a lot of late night phone calls, helping her slowly come to terms with and even (at Anko's behest) be proud of being a woman. Eventually, over that year, Naruto came to accept her femininity and even politically became fiercely defensive of women.

Anko also guided her through what sex would mean, what female reproductive health look like, she helped her with periods and especially with periods as a kunoichi. That included hiding the evidence of them. They came up with plans for every scenario they could think of, all the ways they could consider for Naruto to hide her sex.

Anko also lent her porn and erotic fiction, "to help you come to terms with feeling attracted to guys." This was indeed a problem. All of a sudden Naruto was attracted to men instead of women. It was a huge change, a major psychological shift. Now, not only did she hate Sasuke, but she started to see why women fawned all over him - which was infuriating, because he was still a gigantic dick. As for her crush on Sakura? It faded away as she started to see less of Sakura's beauty, and more of Sakura and Ino's shrill obnoxiousness.

She'd thought that had always just been a girl thing. Then she looked at herself and thought, _… Apparently not._

So some nights, Anko and Naruto just had sleepovers and stayed up late talking about guys. Naruto needed that, Anko knew - needed to admit how she felt about guys to someone, and be accepted. Anko was more than her mentor now - she was the only person who knew the truth, who Naruto could really be herself around, her first friend. Anko even confided in turn to Naruto, talking sometimes with sorrow and anger about Orochimaru. They were each other's best friend, two lonely but fierce people who had each found a kindred spirit.

And Anko-sensei was the one who had made Naruto into a smart, strong, and fulfilled ninja. Anko hadn't turned Naruto into a clone of herself - she'd turned her into her best version of Naruto.

"Thanks for finding me, Anko-sensei," she said meaningfully, one night shortly before her graduation.

Anko just smirked. "Don't get sappy on me now, kid," she said. Naruto knew that meant _you're welcome._

* * *

Author's Notes: I call this an unusual fem Naruto story because it starts out traditionally, with a male Naruto being upped in power, then shifts over to the newly realized Naruto becoming female. Fem Naruto is not the point, but rather the result. It's because she knows herself better that she has the realization.

I also don't see a fem Naruto hiding her gender very often, which I thought might provide an interesting dynamic.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

It was the day before the final graduation exam into Genin. They were having a review session today in class, and Naruto concentrated, frowning slightly in thought as she took notes based on Iruka-sensei's lecture. She had her drawing pad set out beside her, drawing diagrams to aid her understanding and learning. She'd been studying and practicing like crazy, sometimes with Anko-sensei's help, doing every covert repetitive movement she could think of to help herself memorize academic information, practicing physical techniques countless times. Rationally she knew she'd probably pass, but sometimes she still had the old instincts of that little boy who hadn't been good at anything.

Suddenly, the classroom door slammed open and two Chuunin rushed in. "Uzumaki!" they shouted, giving her that same cold glare. "He's done it again!"

"Another piece of graffiti art?" asked Iruka disbelievingly.

"He painted a prostitute with a blank face and oversexualized body in a kunoichi outfit," said one of the Chuunin flatly, to many gasps. "On an official government wall. His swirl seal was there and everything."

There was a low buzz of shocked chatter around the room, as the Chuunin left and Iruka stalked up the stairs, up the tiers, to the table Naruto was sitting at. He glared down at her. "Well, Naruto?" he said. "And what do you have to say for yourself?"

Naruto crossed her arms. "I think my art speaks for me," she said, in her low male's voice. "In all common myth, kunoichi are used for their sexual appeal. They're not people, they're over objectified sexual objects. So there." She stuck out her tongue.

A tick started going in Iruka's temple. "You and I are going to that wall after school and you are going to clean off all of your work!"

"Why?" asked Naruto brattily. "I did it last night while everyone was asleep. It's not like I was using Academy class time."

"NO EXCUSES!"

"Alright, alright, geez," she sighed casually, pretending to rub her ear. "It's not like it matters anyway. I keep photographic evidence of all the graffiti art I do."

"Where?!" Iruka demanded.

Naruto grinned. "Like I'd tell you."

Iruka finally got fed up. He couldn't attack her, so he growled and whirled around to the class. "We are doing a pop quiz on the Transformation technique! Everyone line up at the front of the room!" He stalked off. There were groans and shouts of complaint as chairs squeaked and everyone got reluctantly to their feet.

They got in line, and Sakura went up first. She did a perfect Transformation technique, but then ruined it by squealing, jumping up and down and looking over at Sasuke. She was the perfect fangirl, anorexic little form, long gleaming hair, caked on makeup. "I did it, I did it! Did you see that?! Did you see that, Sasuke-kun?!"

Remarkably expressive for someone who showed no emotion, Sasuke looked deadpan and exasperated. Then it was his turn to go up next, and Sakura moved out of the way. Sasuke calmly walked up and did a wordless, perfect Transformation technique, chameleon changing, silent, from Sasuke to Iruka and back to Sasuke again.

There was no denying it. Sasuke was good. He was an arrogant dick about it, too; that was what made him so infuriating. An orphan from a powerful clan, handsome and pale with dark hair and eyes, calm and cool and intelligent, unfairly talented, Sasuke had all the admiration in the world and he seemed to spurn all of it. It was as if nobody was good enough for him. He was cold, scathing, reticent, cutting himself off from human contact.

He was scary, too, though she'd never admit it to his face. She'd fought him once in a taijutsu spar, back before Anko and when she'd still thought she was a boy. He'd beaten her, of course, quickly and easily. After that it had seemed she was always chasing after him.

But she remembered something else. Sasuke had thrown her to the ground, pinned her down, and she'd gotten a good look at his face at the pinnacle of the fight, in that moment of victory. His face had been blank, his eyes furious, but zoned out and distant. It was the same kind of hatred the villagers felt for her, only on a much keener level… and it wasn't directed at her, she had realized. Sasuke hated somebody passionately, but that person was not her. Every time he fought a fellow ninja, it was like he was trying to fight and defeat someone else.

He was, in other words, creepy as shit.

Naruto was glaring at him, but she was interrupted by Shikamaru and Ino, who were standing beside her.

"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru sighed.

"Yeah," said Ino brattily, hands on her hips, "this is all your fault."

Naruto brightened with faux delight, beaming. "I know!" she said. "Isn't it great?!" She snickered as Shikamaru and Ino continued to glare at her. Then her name was called and she moved forward.

She made the hand seal. "Transformation Technique!" she called, and did a perfect Transformation into Iruka. Naruto was excellent at transforming, and she always told herself this was _not_ because she'd been conceived near a fox demon and fox demons in mythological lore were usually beautiful shapeshifting women.

So she had whisker face markings and sharp incisor teeth even though they didn't run on either side of her family. So she was naturally mischievous. That didn't have to mean anything…

She smirked triumphantly at Iruka's irritated face, transforming back into herself with her messy blonde pixie cut and baggy orange men's clothes, and then she moved aside. Iruka sighed and wrote down a pass on his clipboard. He may have disliked Uzumaki Naruto, but there was no denying it… the boy may have been a late bloomer. But Uzumaki Naruto was _good._

* * *

Iruka stood over Naruto that afternoon, watching sternly as the boy scrubbed away at his offensive supposed "masterpiece." He didn't look that bothered. Maybe he did have a secret stash of photos somewhere. Where on earth would that be…?

"You're not leaving until every drop of paint is gone!" he reminded Naruto fiercely, as if to make up for his apparent lack.

Naruto sighed. "Oh, yeah," he said, rolling his eyes. "That's horrible. My nonexistent mother will have dinner on the table and my invisible family will be so worried." He scowled and went back to scrubbing.

He had no way of knowing why this affected Iruka so much. Naruto had a talent for saying important things casually, without meaning to. Iruka himself had grown up an orphan… his parents had been killed in the same Kyuubi attack that created Naruto. So he had mixed feelings.

"Hey, Naruto," he finally said, mainly out of guilt. "If you finish cleaning the graffiti well… I'll treat you to some ramen tonight. How's that?"

Naruto looked around in disbelief - and then beamed. "Alright! Ichiraku's it is! Now that's incentive!" he said in a cheer, laughing his strange, high, cackling away. "Watch how fast I finish!"

And he was as good as his word. They did indeed finish, and as promised, Iruka took Naruto to his favorite ramen joint, Ichiraku's.

"Grandpa Teuchi! Ayame-nee-chan!" Naruto greeted, grinning, as he walked through the curtained doors. He was apparently a regular. The father chef and his waitress daughter beamed and offered loud return greetings. Some ninja refused snobbishly to interact with civilians, but Uzumaki Naruto was not apparently among them. He sat at the bar, and Iruka watched fascinated as he chattered cheerfully and warmly for a good few minutes.

"Going to pass tomorrow?" Teuchi asked playfully, and Naruto laughed.

"You'd better believe I will!" he returned.

"Naruto, that's what I wanted to ask you," said Iruka in concern. By now they'd finished eating their first bowls; Naruto had wolfed down his own and three more besides. "You're a good student. Why do you do such horrible things?"

"They're not horrible things. They're political statements. I want to be Hokage someday, and I want everyone to know my stances," said Naruto firmly. "I'm making my feelings known. It's offensive, right? Well that gets people's attention. It makes them notice."

"You've always been so defensive of women, Naruto," said Iruka, putting aside his uneasiness at the idea of the village jinchuuriki becoming Hokage. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm wondering… why? You don't have any daughters, nieces, mothers, aunts, female friends."

"So you have to have those things to be a defender of women?" Naruto challenged.

"Not as a thinking adult. But as a child, it seems odd," Iruka argued.

"How strange, Iruka-sensei. For a minute you were almost talking as if we don't live in a world populated by child ninja." Naruto gave a strange smile. "I just choose to educate myself."

Iruka stared at him, conflicted.

"Look. You don't want me to be Hokage." Iruka opened his mouth in protest. "No, I'm not criticizing you. I get it. I know more than you might think." Iruka stared at him in surprise; Naruto's eyes were surprisingly sympathetic. "You're the only teacher who's never deliberately sabotaged my training, even though you probably have the most reason to. I looked up your parents."

Iruka swallowed.

"I guess that's why you brought me here, huh? I made a comment about being an orphan and you felt bad. I didn't think about what I'd said till later. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you pity me. That's not what I'm looking for."

"Then what are you looking for?" Iruka challenged.

"Human respect and dignity." Iruka had no words to that for a moment. "You treated me like any other student - though maybe a bit harshly. And I wanted to thank you for that."

Iruka was very emotional for a moment; he nodded. "You're welcome. And, Naruto?" Naruto paused in wide-eyed surprise. "If your school performance and this conversation are any indication… you'd make a great Hokage."

Naruto paused, and smiled warmly. "Thank you, Sensei," he said. "That means a lot.

"Hey, Sensei…" he added longingly, staring at the hitai-ate dreamily. "What's it like to wear one of those?"

"A ninja marker?" Iruka laughed a little. "Well," he said, "it's a heavy weight. It carries a lot of responsibility. A Konoha ninja must not only be an excellent ninja, but a moral human being. But you know what?" He smiled. "I think you'll get yours tomorrow. And I think you can handle it."

Despite every idea to the contrary, Iruka realized he had never actually seen Uzumaki Naruto intentionally hurt anyone.

They parted ways outside Ichiraku's, but it was a conversation Iruka would not soon forget.

* * *

Anko dropped down beside Naruto that night on her walk back to her apartment. "What was going on back there?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, you know. Just making new friends, winning over new people," said Naruto smugly. "Another day in the life of Uzumaki Naruto. Here to wish me luck on the Exam tomorrow?" she added slyly.

"Hell no. I'm here to tell you that if you fail that test, I'll be extremely disappointed in you," said Anko, grinning viciously.

Naruto laughed. "Thanks, Anko-sensei," she said cheerfully. "Duly noted."

* * *

Sure enough, the test the next day at the Academy was - for Naruto, at least - very easy. She had to last a few minutes in a spar, pass a short written test, and then perform a randomly selected Academy level ninjutsu in front of her two main instructors. This was the last part.

So she sat, bored, foot jiggling, waiting until her name was called. Then she went down the classroom steps and into the little side room alone. Iruka and Mizuki sat behind a long table piled with new hitai ate.

She stood in a perfect stance, made quick hand seals, and her control and stamina were excellent. She decided smugly to brag just a little. "Clone Technique!" A whole room full of afterimage clones appeared around her. Iruka and Mizuki stared.

Then Iruka smiled.

"Well, future Hokage," he said. "I think that's a pass. Come up and get your hitai-ate."

Naruto jumped up and down on the balls of her feet and cheered, beaming as she hurried up and picked out a Konoha hitai-ate of her very own. She tied it around her neck, smiling down at it.

She was a Konoha ninja, at long last.

The scene outside was depressing, though. All the parents had come for their children, but there was no one there for her. She passed, isolated, through the crowds, feeling the cold, hateful, fearing glares from the parents, the whispers that sprung up in her wake.

"That thing passed?"

"We're making him a ninja?"

"Has the Hokage lost his mind -?"

Naruto at last whirled around, pointed, and shouted to the crowds fearlessly, "You can all stop talking about me now! I'm leaving!"

Students glared at her, but parents knew the truth and it shut them all up.

Naruto sighed, a little downcast, and was about to wander off campus, when Mizuki appeared beside her. "Naruto," he whispered, hand on her shoulder, "can I talk to you alone?"

"What for?" Naruto shrugged the hand off, glaring at him. She didn't trust Touji Mizuki as far as she could throw him.

Mizuki looked around and whispered, "There's another secret test. No one was going to tell you about it. You have to take it to truly pass into Genin. You have to steal a big black scroll from Hokage-sama's private offices and learn a jutsu from it, by tonight at eight o'clock. Meet me by the abandoned spy outpost in the forest by the south wall!" And he hurried away.

Naruto stared after him.

"Naruto? What's going on?" Naruto whirled around to find Anko standing there, looking puzzled. "I just came to congratulate you on your -" She saw the hitai-ate and beamed. "Hey, I knew you could do it! Great job!" She hurried forward.

"Anko-sensei," said Naruto seriously, stopping her, "I need you to be honest with me. Is there any second test to get into Genin that involves breaking into the Hokage's private office?"

Anko stopped and stared. "No," she said honestly. "That's ridiculous. Why?"

"Because in that case," said Naruto, "Touji Mizuki is trying to go missing nin. He just asked me to steal a scroll for him from the Hokage, claiming it was a second test."

* * *

The Hokage sat back in his office chair, fingers steepled. "This is very serious," he said, sobered. "We must arrest Mizuki at once -"

"Shouldn't we try and suss as much information out of him as possible first?" said Anko skeptically. "I was thinking a little bit of torture and interrogation -"

"I have a better idea," said Naruto suddenly, in her real girl's voice, looking between them. "What if I go to that spy outpost with a fake scroll? And then Anko-sensei pretends to find me right before Mizuki shows up? The two of us could get as much information out of him as possible together - and fight him as a team."

"Naruto, that's not a good idea," said the Hokage immediately.

"Why? I'm a ninja now and he tried to fuck me over. I want to help!" Naruto argued.

"Hokage-sama, she _can_ handle it," Anko admitted. "And I'll be there too. He tried to trick us. Tricking him might not be such a bad idea. He could be working for someone who has put him through training. What if torturing him doesn't work?"

The Hokage paused, looking between them.

"It might work," he admitted, "if you two are good actors, and if we provide Naruto with a fake scroll but a real yet suitable technique from the scroll of forbidden jutsu Mizuki was trying to steal."

"I recommend Kage Bunshin," Anko said immediately. "Physical clones. Tons of Jounin know how to do it. It's simple, not overly dangerous, but taxing enough that it will pass muster."

"Very well. We shall spend the remaining time between now and eight o'clock teaching Naruto the Kage Bunshin. For good measure, she may as well have a scroll detailing how to organize Kage Bunshin in a fight," the Hokage admitted. "But Naruto. Listen to me. He will try to separate you and Anko. He will try to get inside your head. You must not let him. Remember the mission's goal. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir," said Naruto formally, straightening, at attention.

"Now. Do you think you can learn an S class technique in the time allotted to you?"

Naruto grinned viciously, for a moment channeling Anko. "Oh _yeah_."

* * *

Mizuki watched from the shadows as Naruto stood there, beaten and panting, carrying a big black scroll on his back, in front of the spy outpost in the moonlight. Just then, Mitarashi Anko leaped down from the forestry beside him.

"Naruto!" she snapped. "What have you done, stealing that scroll?! The Hokage had to keep it quiet and send me after you! Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?!"

Naruto backed up, panicked. "But - but Mizuki-sensei said -"

"No excuses!" Mitarashi Anko was irate. She was losing her cool, unlike her. Perhaps a student teacher relationship?

Mizuki smirked. Excellent. He could use that to reveal the secret and sow discord.

He flung a fuuma shuriken at them, and Anko sensed it coming. "Naruto, jump out of the way! Summoning Technique!" She bit her thumb, swiped blood, and out came a gigantic snake whose tough hide took the fuuma shuriken for them, as they each jumped in separate directions.

"Why didn't I ever learn that one?!" Naruto demanded with genuine indignation from her place on the forest floor.

"Sorry, kid, my bastard of a Sensei's got the master scroll!" Anko called back irritably.

Mizuki leaped out, laughing. "How ridiculous! She just didn't want you to have a powerful technique because she's afraid of you! Honestly, how many powerful techniques has Mitarashi Anko given you of her own creation?"

Naruto paused. Because Mizuki was right in at least one thing. The answer was none.

"Naruto, I'm going to tell you a big secret," said Mizuki, smirking widely.

Naruto glared. "If it's about my demon, fuckface, the answer is that I already know about it!"

Mizuki was caught momentarily off guard. Then he laughed. "So you're even more idiotic! You know about it and you still trust her?! Do you honestly think your precious Anko wants you to have such an important scroll?"

Naruto paused. Another thing was true: she had not been entrusted with the real scroll. All her childhood insecurities came back. For a split second, they could see Naruto wondering: did Anko know too much?

Then she turned and sprinted away into the forest.

"No! Naruto, wait, he's fucking with you -! Damnit!" Anko leaped over and slammed her body in between Mizuki and the running Naruto, her expression dark.

"You're not going after him?" Mizuki asked.

"I'd rather have him with the scroll than you, shit for brains," said Anko fiercely. Mizuki's eyes widened; he turned and ran; she chased him.

They leapt around the forest for a few minutes, but Anko wasn't some measly Chuunin and she was a hell of a lot faster than Mizuki. Making a couple of Kage Bunshin herself, she managed to pin Mizuki in on the forest floor and blew a fire ninjutsu down in his direction. He jumped out of the way, and she landed on the scorched, smoking earth across from him.

"You're an idiot," Mizuki sneered. "There's no difference between me having that scroll and the demon brat having that scroll. Haven't you seen his eye -?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Anko sounded more annoyed than angry.

Mizuki stared in surprise. "Wh… what?"

"Shut the fuck up," said Anko flatly. "Uzumaki Naruto is not a demon, or a monster. He's the only person I know who is just as lonely and has just as many layers of defenses as me. He's a competent ninja and a damn good person. He also happens to be my best friend and my prized student, and I'm not going to let a little dickweed insect like you insult him!"

Naruto was hidden, covert, behind a nearby tree listening. She had Mind's Eye of Kagura for tracking, and Anko had taught her stealth and spy tactics, so it was safe to say no one had spotted her. She listened to Anko's words, and smiled, tears stinging her eyes. She'd had a moment of doubt… but no, Anko-sensei would never betray her. Anko-sensei recognized her for the person she was.

And this just made their act seem more realistic.

"You - you stupid bitch!" Mizuki shrieked, losing it.

"Better than being a traitor like you," Anko taunted.

"Damnit, Orochimaru-sama will give me more power than you could ever have! Die!" Mizuki screeched, enraged, and he threw a fuuma shuriken at Anko. Anko and Naruto's eyes had widened at the name Orochimaru. And Anko was just shocked enough at the name of her Sensei that she might not have made it in time.

But Naruto jumped down in front of her and reached out a palm, eyes deadly serious. The fuuma shuriken was sucked up within the containment seal on her palm. She twisted her hand, and released the attack right back out at Mizuki, who had to dodge out of the way in time.

"Well," Naruto sighed casually, "I'd have poisoned my fuuma shuriken, but maybe that's just me.

"Anko-sensei," she added quietly, "let me handle this. You shouldn't have to."

Anko paused, and smirked. "Go for it, kid," she said, stepping back, her Kage Bunshin disappearing.

Naruto made a hand seal. "Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" The mass shadow clone technique appeared around her, filling the forest with clones, waves of clones that surrounded Mizuki from all sides. He stood there, stunned at the idea of an Academy student demon brat doing this… and also trapped from every direction. Everywhere he looked, all he saw was orange.

Then they all made hand seals. "Grand Whirlpool Technique!" they shouted, and great whirlpools of water and wind appeared out of thin air - in a true Uzumaki move - and they all slammed into Mizuki at their epicenter at once, flooding the clearing.

Anko and Naruto leapt out of the way up onto a tree branch, watching closely as the water and shadow clones disappeared. "Did that do it…?" Naruto whispered.

They saw, and snorted with laughter. Mizuki was crippled unconscious on the ground. It really shouldn't have been funny. He ended up almost dying, with his lungs full of water and over twenty-seven bones broken. But Naruto and Anko were laughing more with relief.

"Now I have to learn how to organize them!" said Naruto brightly, in her girl's voice. "That mass synchronization was a little bit sloppy, and I think if I just -!"

"Hey. Kid. Let's focus on the fact that you're a ninja, you've won over Umino Iruka and the Third Hokage, and you felled a Chuunin tonight, okay?" Anko smiled. "Far be it from me to snuff out your budding ambition… but let's just talk about how incredible that is for a minute, sound good?"

Naruto smiled, and hugged her. Then she jumped down, walked over, and neatly slapped a chakra suppression seal onto Mizuki's wrist. "Let's get this asshole and that fake scroll back to the Hokage," she said cheerfully. "B class private mission with an ANBU. Not bad for my first time, right?"

Anko met her in the clearing. "I think this calls for a little celebratory ramen," she said, watching in amusement as Naruto's face lit up.

As they walked out of the clearing, Anko added curiously, "You know. Now that you're a powerful ninja, you could probably out yourself as a girl if you really wanted to. Not pushing you or anything… Just thought you should know."

Naruto nodded, frowning in thought. "Not as a Genin," she decided. "I don't know the idea, just makes me nervous." She looked away, troubled. "Maybe… maybe I'm just looking for the right time."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Anko spent the next morning helping Naruto get ready for her ninja registration picture.

She bound her breasts, put on her fishnet body armor. They picked out a neatly pressed ninja outfit, loose orange sweater and loose black pants, and Anko brushed and styled her short hair and helped her wash up.

"I don't want to wear my hitai ate," Naruto said, frowning down at the Leaf ninja headband. "What if I scratch it?"

"I hate to break it to you, kid, but you're going to scratch it anyway as a ninja," said Anko bluntly. "It's a point of pride. Think of all the experienced ninja you know. All their hitai-ate are super beat up, right? It's a sign that you've survived lots of tough things.

"You've got to wear your hitai-ate. It's your freaking ninja registration picture."

Naruto looked down at the hitai-ate thoughtfully, and at last tied it around her neck. "Now for the final step," she said, whirling around. "I don't know how to look all serious or smile in a nice way. So I've got a plan."

"You've got… a plan?"

"Two words: Kabuki. Makeup."

"No, no, no. If you're going to be weird, it should be the kind of weird the reflects your interests and personality," said Anko. She smirked. "I've got a better idea…"

* * *

Naruto stood in front of the backdrop of the Hokage Monument, a great sandstone facade with the faces of previous Hokage - all male - carved into it. A professional photographer with a big standing camera stood in front of her on the Hokage Monument viewing platform.

"You're… sure you want to take your ninja registration picture like this?" the photographer asked uncertainly, staring.

Anko was standing in the background, arms crossed, smirking.

Naruto sighed. "Yes, yes," she said impatiently. "Look, I put lots of time into it. I'm sure, okay? Just take the damn picture."

"Alright… There's no turning back, so don't regret it later…"

And the photographer snapped the picture: Naruto, in her male ninja outfit and hitai ate, a potted fern balanced on top of her head with a stuffed frog sitting among the ferns, a vast book about politics and war and peace held up in her hands, the front fingers atop the book flipping off the potential viewer, a gigantic unhinged bloodthirsty grin on her face.

Then came time to fill out the information below the printed photograph on the registration form. Naruto filled out all her information in pink gel pen, with lots of hearts and exclamation points littered around her information. She'd been unable to help herself, and was amused by the fact that it would look even weirder on a supposed guy's form.

Her true gender being high clearance information, on the public registration form she was announced as _Male_.

So there was the general stuff: Name (Uzumaki Naruto - her Namikaze surname was also classified), birthdate of October tenth, tiny height and weight information, blood type B, excellent Academy grades. And at the bottom of the form was recorded _Genin Rank_ and _One Mission: Private B-Class._ Her registration number was also printed on the sheet. Her job was to fill out everything in the center.

So she sat at the foot of the Hokage Monument viewing platform with Anko, and they filled out the form together, occasionally snickering as they did so.

 _What person do you most want to fight?_

 _That wise old sage guy from the latest Warrior Princess Yuki movie._

 _What is your favorite saying?_

 _"Save a tree. Wipe your ass on a spotted owl."_

 _What are your hobbies and interests?_

 _Tons and tons! I like books, puzzles, music, and film! And I love the traditional arts, tea ceremony, flower arrangement, calligraphy! I love tea! And food, I love food! Soul food! Especially ramen! I'm in love with the color orange! I (see other side) love painting, and tattoos, and political graffiti, and urban exploration, and horror, and ASMR, and box gardening, and spa treatments, and long baths! And getting up to watch the sunrise with tea! That's my favorite! But most of all I love thinking about the day when I become THE BEST HOKAGE EVER ~!_

* * *

Grandpa Hokage stared suspiciously, deadpan, at the registration form that had been turned into him. Naruto sat beaming in front of him, Anko smirking leaning off to the side. All she needed was one little approval stamp, and then she'd be set to go…

"Naruto," the Hokage sighed after a long pause, "you're going to have to retake this whole thing."

"Why?" Naruto pouted, speaking in her girl's voice. Anko was also scowling.

"Because this is a very serious form."

"And those are very serious answers. I thought I represented myself rather well," said Naruto in a rather high handed, displeased fashion.

"Hokage-sama, you have to admit, her form _will_ stand out from the crowd," Anko argued.

"Yes, and we are trying to get her under the radar," said the Hokage in irritation.

"I'm not retaking it and you can't make me!" Naruto declared brattily.

"Retake it!"

"NO!"

The Hokage and Naruto glared at one another for a moment, Naruto leaning forward intently, refusing to be intimidated.

"You're a girl!"

They all froze at the voice coming from right outside the door. Naruto realized she'd been so busy arguing with the Hokage… she'd let her Mind's Eye guards down. That was a rookie mistake, and in that moment she resolved never to let it happen again.

If it wasn't too late already.

A little boy slid the door open and walked in. He was wearing a bizarre assortment of clothes, including a long scarf and a sports helmet.

"Konohamaru! What have I told you about listening outside the door!" the Hokage snapped. He sighed. "This is my grandson," he said apologetically.

"What were you doing outside your grandfather's office door anyway?" Naruto asked in bewilderment.

"I was trying to assassinate him," said the little boy matter of factly. The Hokage pinched his nose between his fingers as if trying to ward off a headache.

"... How old are you and what rank?" Naruto said, deadpan.

"I'm eight years old and an Academy student. And I'm the next Hokage," said Konohamaru, his arms crossed. "On days with no school, I average twenty assassination attempts a day. My grandfather is tricky, but I await my opportunity."

"He usually trips over his scarf in the initial charge," the Hokage admitted. "That's what does him in."

Konohamaru walked right up to Naruto and stood in front of her. "Everyone says you're a boy, but you're not. You're a girl," he said. "And that makes sense, because you're _way_ too pretty to be a guy."

"Oh God, please don't tell anyone," said Naruto in panicked dread, her girl voice coming to the forefront.

"I can do whatever I want. I'm the Hokage's grandson," said Konohamaru snobbishly, and Naruto lost her temper.

"I don't care who you are, you little shit!" she snapped, slapping him over the back of the head. He stared at her in honest surprise.

"Konohamaru, you must not speak of this," the Hokage rumbled sternly. "It is classified information." Killing intent was radiating from Anko in waves, as a kind of warning signal if the Hokage failed to be sufficiently intimidating; she was scowling.

"No, Grandpa, Anko-sensei, let me try." Naruto knelt down to Konohamaru's level, a little nervous. "Look, you want to be a big strong ninja and protect all the pretty girls, right?" Konohamaru nodded eagerly. "Well if you tell anyone I'm a guy, for reasons I can't exactly explain, I could get seriously hurt. I could even die," said Naruto solemnly. "That's why you can't tell anyone, not even your teachers, that I'm a woman."

"I will keep your secret… on one condition," said Konohamaru matter of factly.

"What's that?" said Naruto suspiciously.

"Will you go on a date with me?" He meant it totally innocently, in that way only a child could. He looked up at her with big brown puppy dog eyes.

Naruto looked uncertainly over at Anko, who seemed amused. "Well… I was sort of going to train with Anko-sensei today…"

"I can come! I wanna watch a strong ninja train! And then we can go on our date!" said Konohamaru eagerly.

Naruto looked at the Hokage for his approval. "... It might do him good," Grandpa Hokage said thoughtfully after a while. "Alright. I'll approve."

The Third Hokage had begun, despite himself, to trust Naruto. Under Anko's influence, she had become so much like her parents that he was starting to think she might just have a shot at that dream of hers… If anyone could knock some sense into Konohamaru, it was Naruto. She had a way with words, emotions, and people; she'd even already convinced him to keep her secret.

Yes, having Konohamaru shadow Naruto for a day was an excellent idea.

Just then a bespectacled bald man burst in. "Honorable Grandson, you got away from me again, what -?! Why are you training with that hooligan?!" he demanded, scandalized.

"This hooligan has permission of him for the day. Hokage's orders," said Naruto in her male's voice, standing and glaring, arms crossed.

"You little -!" the man growled. "I'm his private tutor, he has training today -!"

"Ebisu!" the Hokage thundered. "My orders!"

Ebisu looked over at the Hokage - and shut his mouth with visible effort. He turned to glare at Naruto once more, with those same cold eyes. That was when Naruto knew - Ebisu was one of those citizens and ninja who hated her the most.

Ebisu stalked out of the room.

"I wouldn't want to tell him the truth about you anyway," said Konohamaru snottily. He turned to Naruto and Anko and beamed, excited. "Let's go!"

* * *

So Konohamaru followed Naruto and Anko to a training field, where they worked for several hours on organizing Naruto's Kage Bunshin physical clone attacks into a more synchronized effort. Naruto stopped briefly for water and snack breaks, and during one of them Konohamaru said, "This is boring. Where's all the exciting stuff?"

Naruto smiled. "That's most of what ninja training is," she said, in her girl's voice again. "Lots of hard work."

"But Ebisu-sensei is always talking about ninja shortcuts! I wanna learn those because I want to become Hokage right now!" Konohamaru demanded.

Naruto smirked. "There are no shortcuts to being a ninja, and certainly not to being Hokage. It's a long, hard slog and you've got to be willing to put the heartbreak and the effort into winning people over. It's lots of afternoons like this. There is no shortcut to being a strong ninja. That's ridiculous.

"And you know who you're going to have to fight if you want to be Hokage?" She stuck out her chin and pushed a thumb into her chest. "Me. Because I want to be Hokage too, and I'm older and more experienced than you. I'm an official ninja starting tomorrow. So work hard and try catching up, yeah?"

"Don't lecture me," said Konohamaru heatedly. "Fine then. We'll be rivals instead." He gave her one of his little kid glares.

Naruto smiled and sat down on the fallen log next to him. "Why do you want to be Hokage so badly?" she asked. "I know why I want to - because nobody likes me and I want to win them over, prove them all wrong."

"I have a different problem," said Konohamaru, becoming downcast. "My grandfather named me after the village. That should be an easy name for people to remember, but nobody ever calls me by that name. I'm always just Honorable Grandson. I want to be my own person!" he said, looking up at her fiercely.

"That's a fair goal," said Naruto, still smiling warmly. "I think you can do it. But you know, Konohamaru - you can't have it both ways," she said sympathetically. "You can't expect shortcuts and special treatment as the Honorable Grandson, then complain because people treat you as the Honorable Grandson."

He looked up at her with big eyes. "You're really nice," said Konohamaru. "And an older woman, too!"

Naruto laughed. "I'm twelve," she said. "But I guess that _is_ older to you."

"Do you really think you can do it?" Konohamaru added curiously. "Become a woman Hokage?"

Naruto smirked. "I _know_ I can," she said, her eyes flashing.

Anko watched the two of them from a distance and smiled. That, she thought, might just be a lifelong friendship.

* * *

Naruto washed up at the local training showers and then - Anko shooing them off grinning, with teasing remarks shouted after Naruto - she and Konohamaru went on their "date." They ended up traversing the village, doing a whole bunch of different fun things together, from ice skating at the local rink to visiting the local aquarium to laughing as they played paintball.

People glared at them as they passed in the streets. Konohamaru apologized because he thought it was him; Naruto knew privately it was her. Still, Konohamaru didn't seem to mind.

It was nice hanging out with Konohamaru, because he was still young enough that there were no expectations. They just had fun together, laughing and talking, Naruto teasing him warmly.

"Can I have a kiss?" he asked, grinning, at the end, so she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed and got very embarrassed, smiling. "I'll keep your secret," he said. "Good luck on being a ninja tomorrow. As you are my rival, I know you'll do quite well."

Naruto smiled. "Thanks, Konohamaru. And if you work hard and stop demanding things so impatiently, I wouldn't say no to hanging out with you and helping you train every once in awhile, too." She winked as he beamed. "But right now you're a little young for me, okay?"

"I'll grow fast!" Konohamaru decided, fists lifted, and Naruto laughed.

"Sounds good. And I'll fight you one day for the title of Hokage… Konohamaru."

* * *

From the scrying crystal in the Hokage's office, Anko and the Third Hokage watched over them and smiled.


End file.
